I’m still processing this, so forgive any lack of coherence. Yesterday, I taught some Algebra students how to solve inequalities with absolute value. In second period, Geometry students were finishing a test when we got the announcement, “This is a lockdown.” So we shut off the lights, and locked the door and sat up against the walls. It took about 10 minutes for the text messages to start coming in: there were shots fired in the band room, there are hostages, there’s a ransom note, etc. All hear say until the helicopter sounds were too loud to ignore. The principal came on the intercom, “This is not a drill, remain in your rooms, we are on lockdown.” A few minutes later, a counselor ran up the ramp to my room, so I jumped over the desks and opened the door as quick as I could. “Quick. Everyone, let’s go. We’re going to the 200 wing. Stay low and don’t talk.” The kids were up and out the door. Everything was left in the room. Back packs, silent reading books, p.e. clothes, pencils and mp3 players were all left as they were. I remember seeing the rows of people running from one room to the next, bent at the waste, and running as fast as they can. I was that person. With 25 students that I’m responsible for. We got to the room where they had moved some other students. There were over 100 students in this one room, sitting on the floor, and cell signal died. There were so many texts and calls going on that no one could get through. The police asked us to shut the phones off. They had the band room surrounded, and were trying to find a way to get everyone evacuated. The plan was to get us onto buses and take us to the Nazarene church, where parents were told to go to wait for us. As soon as the evacuation was going to start, the policeman was in our room directing us on what to do when he got a standby call, they arrested the kid. He had gone into the band room, taken hostages, released all but a few, and I still haven’t heard details on what happened to actually end it. I do know that there was a sniper called in. Then we loaded up on buses and evacuated to the church like was planned. Parents and kids, reunited. Nobody was hurt. Nobody wants to go back on Monday. Nobody.

It has been two and a half weeks since I have gone under and come back up. The last two weeks have been a blur. The busy busy schedule hit me pretty hard. I ended one class last night, and I am ending another tonight. The other two end next week, and I am starting to breathe again. I still have miles to go on my to do list, but in light of that, the sun also rises.

Sunday night after I was baptized, Rhonda asked me to talk to her about it. I was hoping I would have something profound to say, but I did not. I feel two things. The first is that I feel like it might be wrong for me to feel like this, but probably not. Second, I feel like it will mean more to me later than now. I say that with two weeks this side of the holy-dunk experience. I have already gone to that place in my thought life. I now have a point where I died to my old ways, and I can look back on that and with confidence say that those things rule in my life no longer. The surreal feeling of what it is to be out of ‘that’ (whatever that is) has kept my mind turning. I really believe I am still too close to this to make sense of how it has changed me, my mindset, my heart, my life, my death. I keep looking forward to tomorrow, when everything will start to be clear.

So I am getting baptized Sunday. It has been a long journey to this spot. My pastor asked me to write out a <100word testimony. I kept trying to last night, and it never sounded right. After a while, my computer froze up, and I lost everything I wrote. This ended up being better because I typed it out today and didn't worry about word count. I just kept it short. I thought I would share it here.

I was born the son of a Nazarene preacher, but I found escape in drugs and alcohol by the age of 13. It was short lived, and I realized the power it had over me, so at 15 I rededicated my life to God. I surrounded myself with people that were like me. We only dealt with sins that were visible while hiding our dark secrets. We spoke of Jesus, but our hearts were far from Him. In college I began to experience freedom in struggles as well as triumphs. Jesus’ death on the cross began to create space for me to come alive. It has redefined who I am. Jesus breaks through the mess I make of life to shine light on the beauty of redemption. Jesus is the Messiah, and He is my God.